BiB: Blondestandard - “From Hodgkin's Lymphoma Diagnosis to Rock Reinvention— Caroline Gets Real
On this episode of Bringin’ It Backwards, host Adam Lisicky reconnects with Caroline Grace Vein (Blondestandard) for an honest, inspiring conversation about resilience, creativity, and the journey of an artist. Nearly three years after her breakthrough debut “Blue Eyes,” Caroline opens up about navigating health challenges—including a diagnosis of Hodgkin’s lymphoma just after graduating college—and how they shaped her music and perspective.
She shares how those experiences led to a deeper, more authentic songwriting process, the evolution of her sound from bubblegum pop to alternative rock, and the impact of community and collaboration in her work. Caroline dives into the stories behind new singles like “California Dreams,” “Freaking Out,” “Ruin My Day,” and her latest release, “Arms of Another,” offering insight into the themes of vulnerability, strength, and connection that drive her artistry.
Plus, Caroline reveals she's working on a new podcast to share her story even further, and gives advice to fellow aspiring musicians: stay true to yourself, focus on what you love, and let your art resonate authentically.
Whether you’re an indie musician, a fan of genuine artist stories, or looking for inspiration to overcome obstacles and pursue your passion, this episode is full of raw, empowering moments you won’t want to miss. Listen to the full interview and be sure to subscribe to Bringin’ It Backwards for more stories from legendary and rising artists!
We'd love to see you join our BiB Facebook Group.
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What is going on? It is Adam. Welcome back to Bringing It Backwards, a podcast
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where both legendary and rising artists tell their own personal
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stories of how they achieve stardom. On this
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episode, we had a chance to hang out with Caroline, AKA
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Blonde Standard, over Zoom video.
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This is actually the second time we had Caroline on the podcast,
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the very first time she had yet to release her debut
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single, Blue Eyes, which was back in 2022.
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So we had a chance to really catch up with Caroline and
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see what she's been up to over the last two, three years.
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It was a fantastic conversation. We recapped our first
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interview a little bit, and we did find out that
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Caroline was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma
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just prior to graduating from college, or she had just graduated from college and she
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was in her last semester last time we spoke. So there was kind of,
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you know, a couple years there where she was getting healthy
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and working on new music and new art. But she's been doing great, which is
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awesome. She talked about releasing California Dreams and then the first
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song, Freaking out was kind of the first song
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she released after she started to write and
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produce more music again once she started feeling healthy enough. She talks
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about her song Ruin My Day and all about the most recent
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record, which is called Arms of Another. And she hints
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at a podcast that she has coming out as well. You can watch our
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interview with Caroline on our Facebook page and YouTube channel
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at bringing it Backwards, it would be amazing if you subscribe to our
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channel like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, Twitter
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and Tik Tok at Bringing Back pod. And if you're listening to this on
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Spotify, Apple Music, Google podcast, it would be amazing
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if you rate and review us there as well. It helps us out
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tremendously. We'd appreciate your support. If you follow and
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subscribe to our podcasts. Wherever you listen to podcasts, we're
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bringing. It backwards with Blonde Standard.
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Bringing it backwards.
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Bringing it backwards. Bringing it backwards.
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Bringing it backwards. Bring it backwards.
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Bring it backwards. Hello.
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Hey, Carolyn. How are you? Good. Long time no see.
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I know. It's been almost two years, I think, or getting on
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there three now. Really? Oh, my God. I was, like,
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in my USC prime when we last spoke.
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Yeah, you had. I don't even think you had released Blue Eyes. It was, like,
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about to come out. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy.
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Wow. I know. I'm excited to kind of see what's
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gone on since. I know you've released a handful of songs, so that's cool.
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I have indeed, very Very cool. Well, it's so great to
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see you again. Thank you again for doing this. Yeah. I'm so excited. I
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love. I mean, I've now been following the podcast since I've been
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on, and. Awesome. Great to be
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able to, like, hear artist stories and
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excited to share the updates. I
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appreciate that. That means a lot. Thank you so much. Course.
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For actually checking it out. Yeah. So. Well, I mean,
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we've already got your story, like, up to a point before, but let's just.
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If you don't mind, just. Yes. Quickly recapping
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from before, just so you're born and raised in L. A.
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Yes. Came up with, you know, creative
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family in a way. I mean, your mom's producer, and I know that
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that was a part of your life growing up, but you really didn't start showing
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people your music or any of that until
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it was, like, a few years prior to when we spoke. Right. Maybe a couple
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years. Like, Right. Yeah. I think, like, right when Covid hit,
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I mean, it might have been, like, two months before the world lockdown.
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I was with a producer friend of mine, and I just kind of jokingly was
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like, can I record a song? And
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it's been something I've loved, but it was, like, something that everyone, like, turned their
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head and they're like, what? Right line? I'm like, yeah,
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Caroline. Hey. Yeah. Because you always had the
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blonde standard, like, brand. Right. But it was under
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more graphic design. Things you're doing. You were working with people
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in music or in. With bands and stuff. Right. Kind of
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side. Yeah. I think that's why it was harder for me
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was like, the boundary of, like, oh, I'm, like, thinking of managing
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artists, and I'm figuring out where I belong in the music industry.
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I've since kind of figured that out. But
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I was like, does this make sense for me to be able to, like,
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be an artist and also work with artists? And that kind of was like a
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big no no to people. And,
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yeah. I think I was kind of just becoming more and more
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inspired every time I got in a studio session with another artist. And I, like,
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had all these ideas and, like, you know, all this stuff. And I
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think, like, it kind of came to a head when Covid hit and
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people were very supportive of my artistic journey.
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And then we kind of just, like, did it.
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Yeah. You wrote, like, a whole ep, right? In, like, a short period of time.
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Yeah, yeah. I was just like, once I finished a
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song, we went to the next one. I think in
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hindsight, I was really just, like, trying to
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get all of the creative juices that had been built up for so long
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out and try to figure out, like, how do you write a song and
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what does it mean to produce a song from start to finish? And
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what are my influences as an artist? Because I listened to everything
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and I also had like, this music blog at the same time
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where I was also interviewing artists and like, trying to learn about their
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stories. So it was definitely this kind of period
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of time for me where I was really kind of like,
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just learning. And I think this past
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year, specifically, like since like Sept.
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Maybe literally this past year, like September of like last year,
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I really started honing into my
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own sound to a point where like, every time we finish the song,
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we're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was better than the last one. Like, we're.
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We're going somewhere with this. Yeah, you feel like it's moving forward,
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not like, oh, we had this great song and we. I can't capture that again,
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like, what's going on? Right, right. We're like, okay, this all makes sense together.
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Everything is like, in the same world. Everything is the same
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kind of. Yeah, yeah. So I love that.
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Well, I. I love what you're doing. I mean, like I said before, we. You
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only had the one song, and I don't think it was even like, out to
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like, the public at the point when we talked.
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So crazy. Yeah, I think, like, yeah, it's. It's
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very interesting. Just kind of like reflecting on that time. And also just the
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sound itself. Like, I. I was working around
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a lot of like, more like electronic producers and was around kind of that
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energy. And so you can hear in that it has this kind
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of like bubblegum pop influence to it.
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Whereas now I think it's much more kind of like
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alternative rock, modern rock focus. Yeah, I was
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going to say it changed quite a bit, at least, you know, over the past
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couple of years. But coincidentally, I mean, I was like in these studio sessions being
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like, let's make a rock song. Except, like, when you don't have that chip,
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it's like I'm like, okay, I don't know what you're talking about, but, like, we
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can try our best to make a rock song. Right? So now
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we've like, kind of encapsulated that and I've found people that I
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work so well with. Are
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you working with different people than that producer that you initially started working
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with, or are you still with that person? I.
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We're still great friends, I think. You know,
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it's. It's actually Interesting, because a lot of the producers that I work with are
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artists and don't really produce for other artists. Or at least that's why I
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think. You were saying that in the beginning. Yeah. He was, like, just an artist
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and was like, oh, sure. I guess I'll. It never worked. It's kind of a
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favor, right? Yeah, it was like, a favor. Yeah. But now I
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have people that are like, they're in it just as much as I am. And
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I think that's kind of my goal is, like, I'm the one singing, but, like,
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this is all our song, you know, I want everyone to feel like we're making
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something and we're putting something out and, like, hopefully resonating
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with someone. And a lot of it comes from, like,
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lyrics, for me, at least, which I've noticed a lot of
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people don't really listen to lyrics. Yeah. Which is wild because
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that's, like, really. I mean, hooks and. And the,
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you know, catchy pieces of it are like, obviously, like, oh, what is that? You
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know, kind of intriguing. Right. But my favorite songs are the ones where
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you can relate deeply to what the person's saying. Right. Yeah.
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No, I mean, the. The lyrics are like, for me, I'm like, that's everything.
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That's why the song has this, like, power to it. And I'm like,
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oh, you just know the rhythm or the melody, but you don't know what I'm
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saying. So, I mean, I just leave it. To leave it to the audience. I
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think the goal is, like, a lot of my
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music has these, like, kind of two halves to it. One is this kind
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of, like, outward message, which is like, oh, this sounds like a love song.
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And that actually hasn't changed since the beginning of, you know, the first
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two singles I released. And it has this kind of,
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like, outward sweep, you know, song. And you hear the love song
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or you hear the whatever side to it, and then there's this kind of, like,
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deeper, like, theme or mess
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that I'm trying to get across. But I also kind of
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understand music and what's marketable and what people can resonate with
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more. And so, yeah, I kind of like
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to have the two kind of the deeper meaning and then the
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kind of, like, surface level. Like, this is kind of what it feels
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like or sounds like, but it's not that at all, which is. Right, right, right.
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Yeah. What all of my art has always been. Oh, okay. Yeah.
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Because you used to do. I. I know the graphic stuff a lot. Right. That's
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really where it kind of started. Yeah. And even in the beginning when I was
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asking you about Blue Eyes, you said that you had somebody
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else do the COVID art. Because I was curious. Yeah, you were gonna do it.
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And you said, no. I kind of want to get someone else's perspective of what
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they. How they feel about the song or what. What they create off of
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what I've created instead of just doing everything. Yeah.
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And honestly, like, that hasn't changed. I mean,
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I did the COVID art for freaking
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out and ruin my day, and I had friends of mine do, like the
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text. But I'm, like, a very collaborative person. And I also
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just think, like, I, as an artist, I have
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such a hard time. Like, even when I moved into my
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house, I was like, okay, I can't put art on the wall because it's just
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too much pressure. And I think it'll come to me in time. It
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wasn't this instantaneous thing for me. And I think with the COVID art,
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it's the same thing. I just put way too much pressure
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on it. And so for me, it's so much easier to just kind of.
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Either it is kind of an in the moment thing for me, and I'm like,
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oh, that. I really feel good about that. Let's just go with it. Or it'll
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just kind of spin out of control and take way too long.
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So I've just decided to work with other artists. I also just love it.
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And, yeah, I think it kind of just proves the point
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that, like, I've kind of fizzled out of being a visual artist, and now I'm
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kind of, like, speaking through music. And I
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think it's kind of just a testament to being an artist as well.
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Just the kind of aspect of, like, yeah, you can go from
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being a graphic artist or a painter or a poet, and now
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you can be a musician, and then you can be a filmmaker. And, you know,
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you can have the same kind of themes and messages throughout your art, but it
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can kind of take different, you know. Yeah, no,
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yeah. 100%. I was gonna say, like. I mean, I guess, like, Halsey would
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be a good example. Like, she's a painter, but also an incredible
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artist. Right. Right in the way where she does
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paintings and. But it's not something that solely. She'll go
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out and make a bunch of paintings and do an exhibit and sell
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it or, you know, whatever. It's. It's more like just something else. But,
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like, you are awesome at doing the graphic things, but
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you want to focus and songwriting. So you're like, well, I'm Gonna do the songwriting.
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Yeah. I think it's just transformed. Like, I. It's
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weird because that. That inspiration used to be so strong. Like, oh, my
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gosh, I just watched this, like, insane film, or I just read
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this crazy book or I heard this story and, like, I want to make
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something out of it. And now that's kind of, for me,
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music. And so it's like, the same itch, but just
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in a different form. And I think that, like, yeah, it's.
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It's really kind of interesting how, like, just as, like, an artist of,
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like, very different mediums, I kind of can, like, feel
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that, like, come out in different ways. And you kind of studied
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that, right? At usc. Wasn't your. Your mage or something
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with, like. Yeah, like, story lines?
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Right. Wasn't it? Yeah. Super ironic that, like, I ended up.
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Well, I was actually supposed to go for, like, international affairs,
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but that clearly. Oh, is that, like, politics?
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That was just because I, like, spent my whole high school experience doing,
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like, all these politically charged. Yeah. Ships and, like, I
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think interesting, especially in la, like,
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the whole, like, thing is they train you to, like,
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you apply in based off of the human being that you've become.
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And so that's where I ended up. But I was like, okay, this. This major's
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cool. It's. There's no one kind of, like, slapping you on the
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wrist about what's right and wrong. And I think for me, like,
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I have always just created art for, you know,
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in what, like, feels right to me in the moment. Like, I've never been one
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to be like, let's make this. Because everyone's gonna like that.
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I'm like, let's make this because it feels right for me, and if it resonates
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with people, like, that's the goal. But
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I'm kind of less of like, let's. Let's go
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viral, and I'm more like, let's. Let's, like, tap into
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someone's feelings and let's, like, have the light bulb go off like it did for
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me when I was 16 years old or 17 years old, trying to,
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like, find myself. So I love that. Yeah. Because out of
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all. I mean, a majority of artists that I've spoke to all
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have a story with, you know, the moment that my video
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went viral is when I did it. You know, I was in my
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hotel room and I just turned the camera on and played this one song or.
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Yeah. But then they had spent, you know, six months
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prior trying to make everything look exactly how they feel. Like
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people will perceive it in A way. It's like, once you start,
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stop trying and just be, like, totally authentic. That's when it. People,
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you know, will gravitate toward it and latch on to it. It's Right. I can
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also feel that, you know, and, like, I.
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I don't like pushing this, like, creativity. It's like, I
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only do it when it feels kind of organic and.
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Right. I just actually did a
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writing camp last weekend, and it
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was kind of just centered around, like, let's create music. And I took a few
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days off work, and I had a few producers come out, and
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I. There were moments where I was like, ooh. I just don't. I don't feel
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inspired right now. So I'd, like, go for a walk or I'd read a book
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or I'd do, you know, to, like, kind of re.
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You know, like, spark my mind. But for me,
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yeah, it's not like, let's, like, try to take
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all the creativity out of me right now and put it on a piece of
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paper. I'm like, oh, I can't do that. So, yeah, it was a good learning
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lesson, but we did make a lot of great stuff, too, so
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that's awesome. You were doing
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stuff in the sync world, I believe, also. Yes.
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Are you still doing that or. No? Yeah. So I. In
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my little, like, quest to figure out what I want to do in the music
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industry, I kind of figured out that it is
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less about the music business for me and more about
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the intersection between music and film.
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And I think that's part of the reason why I started this
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music blog was this kind of interest in kind of
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shining a light on other artists and also, like, trying to have
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their music heard. But a lot of that came from my interest as a kid
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watching TV and film and seeing these, like, moments
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where a song comes on and it, like, stays with you.
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And so I got really into music supervision, and I've been doing that
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freelance supervising, and then I'm also working in music licensing.
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And it's really, really cool. I think it, like,
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you know, kind of hones into, like, my creativity, but also, like,
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the kind of entrepreneurial business side I have.
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And, yeah, it's. It's great. It's. It's a really awesome industry. And I
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think it's also so important for musicians. Oh,
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yeah. I mean, it's like shows like Grey's Anatomy. Like Broke
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Bands. Yeah, no, exactly. Like, their
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soundtrack, you know what I mean? It's insane. And also just meeting
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those people that have, like, completely, like,
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changed the industry. I mean, Those, those needle drops are like
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make or break for the business and make or break for
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people's careers and also just like creating moments and
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then on top of it they're also creating these huge viral moments like bringing
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back an artist's career from the 90s. Right,
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right. I'm like this is insane. And like obviously
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half of the the world is like what is this? These like
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15 year old kids are listening to Kate Bush. You know, I was just gonna
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say Kate Bush. Or like what's nuts is I have an 8 year old son
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and he watches that Skibidi toilet thing on YouTube
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and yeah, which is like the. I. It's the most
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ridiculous thing ever. But it's got so many views and.
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But anyway like his favorite band legit is Tear
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Shafir. That's insane because of it. Because
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they, you know, just the music they always use are
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using all these like cool bands from the 80s, like
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New Order or stuff like that. And
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so he's like so about Tears. For Fears and he's like this eight year
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old new wave like 80s kid, seriously. And so like then
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I'll play in bands, I'm like oh, what do you think about this? And I'll
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play him like Joy Division or something and he'll like the song, oh, this is
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cool. You know, and then we'll like put on Split. But he has no idea
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what I'm doing. He just knows that I'm like, oh, I think maybe you'll like
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this. But it's just based off that genre that he's was not
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really cool. Like that's part of like the thing for me and I
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think like, yeah, I mean it's just so incredible
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and like just on top of it. I was at the, the
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Gilded Music Supervisors Awards this past year
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and they had my like biggest musical
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inspiration, Mark Ronson, like presenting an
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award and talking about how insanely important the business
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has been for his career. And same with Billie Eilish
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and I'm like this is it. Like these, these
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usages were kind of a big, big piece of these like
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the top of the top, you know, and like just seeing that and like
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it's, it's so cool and just the process and you know it
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really at the end of the day is only like 20 creative. But
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it's so important. It's so important. Yeah. I
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do remember you talking about like loving to discover music
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like growing up and like with SoundCloud. I think you Doja Cat
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was an example you gave. Oh my God. You like listen to it when you're
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in high school and then it like yeah, no, it's
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insanely massive now. But like all those are. A lot of those
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artists were like, like even like Kay Trinada, like you know, it
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flume. Like these people were like just posting Demos
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on, on SoundCloud and like it was clearly hitting
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the random like 16 year old kid on her
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school bus ride from Bel Air to wherever.
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AKA yeah. Yeah. And like yeah. It's so
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crazy. So crazy. I like went back just out of
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curiosity to see like what my first ever like
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was and it was this song by Chrome Sparks and
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he's like producing for a bunch of people now and like it's just
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so cool to see just like how these people's careers have changed over
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time. Yeah, that's what I probably told you this last time.
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But that's what drew me. I was on the radio for a long time like
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in San Diego and, and San Francisco and that's what
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drew it to me. It was like meeting people that have like played this band
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for the first time and then it became like, you know, and I had a
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moment like that with that band, the Struts. I got to play their song for
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the first time. I just kept playing it on my show and then you know,
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that could have been me song became huge and ballsy.
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Covered it in like a. And like sing two and like it was just
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like cool to be part of this moment with this band that you know,
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ended up getting big, but it's so few and far between
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because there's so many artists that you'll play once and think that they're gonna do
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something and then it just never happens. Right? Yeah, no,
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I mean I think that it definitely is just.
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Just shows me like kind of also just stepping outside of like me as
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an artist and kind of rew really looking at it from a creative
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perspective of like what would, what would work in this moment. And also kind
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of like the biggest thing is like working with a director and like trying to
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like bring their vision to life too.
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So yeah, it's really cool and it's really important and I think a lot of
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artists are kind of realizing outside of the one
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hit viral video like
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that getting the usage is the thing that can actually
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bring them on the back end the royalties and then on
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the kind of front facing and like the fans and
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the tickets. Right, Exactly.
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So yeah, I mean it's, it's been really cool and I think like, you know,
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the, the biggest thing for me is just the fact that it's like been such
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a passion for me and like realizing that it's a real job.
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You have to be a taste maker, right? You could, right? Yeah. And that's kind
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of always been my thing. And I think with my music, like I.
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I make what I think sounds cool and what I would listen to and like
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kind of talk about the important lessons and things that I'm
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figuring out, you know, as a 24 year old girl. And
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also just like being a storyteller, some of the stories
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are. Come from somewhere in here and like this could
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be such a cool movie or like, let's write it into
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a song. Like, why not? But it all comes
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from this kind of visual standpoint of like. Yeah,
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I can kind of like visualize it as if I'm like watching a movie
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and I. That's kind of where I realized the supervision stuff makes sense for me
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is like, even my songwriting comes from this like visual
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storytelling aspect too. So.
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Love it. Yeah. So obviously Blue Eyes was the song that you
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had at the time and you've put out 1, 2, 3, like
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four other additional ones. So you put out California Dreams.
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Freaking out ruin my day in arms of another
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so kind of tell me. Because basically when we left off the conversation was Blue
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Eyes was about to come out. So I know that you had songs that
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you've written during COVID You said you had about an EP worth of
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songs and you were excited about putting out the new music. Did
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that all kind of go as planned or did everything
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shift and are these totally brand new songs or. Yeah,
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like. Yeah, I guess kind of pick. Pick up where we left off in a
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way. So I think a big lesson I've
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learned between now and when we spoke is that
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things can kind of come out of left field. Things you don't expect to happen
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and you kind of just have to like show up and deal with them. And
396
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for me, I was like, I think I released the
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song in January 2021 and then I released California Dreams
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in March. And then I
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was thrown into like, okay, I'm graduating in three months, so I need to figure
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out my school stuff and get it done and then I can keep releasing music.
401
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My goal was just to like literally just keep releasing and keep
402
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doing it. And I think, yeah,
403
00:25:02,860 --> 00:25:06,420
basically. Long story short, I'm this extremely like,
404
00:25:06,820 --> 00:25:10,380
I. I've dealt with anxiety and OCD like my whole life and I've talked about
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it a lot in kind of like press interviews. And I think a lot of
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00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:17,640
it kind of. You can hear it in the lyrics in my music and talk
407
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about it on social media. But,
408
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,600
like, right after graduating from college, I basically found this
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bump above my collarbone and was like, that's not supposed to be there.
410
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So I went to the doctor, and I was diagnosed with
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Hodgkin's lymphoma. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
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It's so insane to even say out loud. And I went through.
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I had chemotherapy, and I went through the whole thing, and
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I. Yeah, I mean, like, every part of me, like, I basically kind of,
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like, had to really look inward, and this
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very. Grew up in la, had a very
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kind of, I guess you could say
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the life that you expect, the kind of person
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you don't expect this to happen to. And so
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I kind of accredit my totally being overly
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OCD and anxious to figuring this out and being like, okay, cool. You can love
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those things about yourself. And, yeah, I mean, I've
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learned a lot. And I. During that whole process, I
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was accepted into Stargate's online
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school, like, completely randomly forgot I'd applied to it.
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And, like, right when I started treatments, I was accepted to
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that program. So I was making music and writing with people
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all over the world every other week. So I kept
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doing the music through everything. But I think for me, as an artist, I
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kind of, like, my perspective really changed online. Like, what's the
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goal here? What kind of messages do
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you want to be saying? And, you know, also, just, like,
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how can I make an impact? That's kind of, like, my big thing.
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And I think, yeah, the music
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has shifted a lot, and I think that's because it's kind
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of gone in the direction of, like, where I really am passionate.
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And also my work, too. I mean, I spent that period of time,
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too, like, watching a lot of TV and, like, doing a lot of research on
439
00:27:21,590 --> 00:27:24,470
sync. And also, like, in these
440
00:27:25,430 --> 00:27:29,030
online sessions with people all over the world and, like, them
441
00:27:29,030 --> 00:27:32,789
talking about the importance of sync for their careers. And so it kind
442
00:27:32,789 --> 00:27:36,590
of was this big moment of really looking in
443
00:27:36,590 --> 00:27:40,390
the mirror. And I think I'm definitely, like, still the same person I was
444
00:27:40,870 --> 00:27:44,310
before, but now I kind of have this, like, extra layer of, like,
445
00:27:45,670 --> 00:27:49,190
you know, backbone and strength and
446
00:27:49,190 --> 00:27:52,990
bravery and resilience that, like, now I kind of bring into
447
00:27:52,990 --> 00:27:56,790
my art. And. Yeah, I've been healthy
448
00:27:56,790 --> 00:28:00,110
for two years. Oh, wow. Okay. I was gonna ask. That's amazing.
449
00:28:00,110 --> 00:28:03,670
Congratulations. Yeah, but, yeah, it's this kind of like,
450
00:28:03,670 --> 00:28:07,430
totally crazy, unexpected thing. And so I kind of came
451
00:28:07,430 --> 00:28:10,870
back with the song freaking out, and that was the song that I was like,
452
00:28:11,820 --> 00:28:15,020
this is not only is like the. The
453
00:28:15,900 --> 00:28:19,660
title super ironic because I'm a freaker outer,
454
00:28:20,540 --> 00:28:23,980
but. And everyone would understand that, especially
455
00:28:24,300 --> 00:28:27,860
with that news, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. But I think for
456
00:28:27,860 --> 00:28:31,420
me, like, the. Yeah, the song itself
457
00:28:31,420 --> 00:28:33,420
is. Is just kind of very,
458
00:28:35,260 --> 00:28:38,100
you know, it kind of has to just do with, like, community. And a lot
459
00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:41,940
of my music has to do with, like, community and not letting people, I mean,
460
00:28:41,940 --> 00:28:45,560
ruin my kind of self explanatory. It's like not letting the little things
461
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,920
get to you and not letting those people, you know, the
462
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,400
meaningless chatter get in your way.
463
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:56,600
And. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot kind of
464
00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:00,040
more, I guess, strength and valor
465
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,600
in my music now. And I think that's kind of why I went rock. Not
466
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,200
only is it like my, like, thing, but I think that,
467
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,920
like, it also kind of has the sonic kind of
468
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,160
theme to it, meaning because of me.
469
00:29:14,930 --> 00:29:18,770
So, yeah, I did have this, like, hiatus, but it kind of wasn't, you know,
470
00:29:18,770 --> 00:29:22,010
it was one of those things where life was like, okay, time to shift our.
471
00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:25,730
Right. Yeah. It wasn't like, oh, I decided to go do this for. Yeah,
472
00:29:25,730 --> 00:29:29,529
it's like you literally got, you know, dealt this hand that you
473
00:29:29,529 --> 00:29:33,170
couldn't, you know, not deal with. Right. And I think for
474
00:29:33,170 --> 00:29:36,770
me, like, I was 22 years old. Like, I had a
475
00:29:36,770 --> 00:29:39,580
job lined up. Like, I was literally about to go. Like,
476
00:29:40,770 --> 00:29:44,290
I actually did start working full time. Like, I had a job, like,
477
00:29:44,290 --> 00:29:47,970
literally a job offer right out of college. And
478
00:29:49,010 --> 00:29:52,770
yeah, I mean, sometimes that happens and you just gotta, like, show up.
479
00:29:52,770 --> 00:29:55,889
And I think for me, like, I was lucky enough to be able to, like,
480
00:29:55,889 --> 00:29:59,690
use art as an outlet and really kind of
481
00:29:59,690 --> 00:30:03,490
focus that time on, like, what is important to you and, like,
482
00:30:03,890 --> 00:30:07,300
what. What matters to you and how can you make that happen. And like,
483
00:30:07,610 --> 00:30:11,370
literally within four months of, like, finishing treatments, I was like, already back
484
00:30:11,370 --> 00:30:14,930
at work and like, damn. So it's like. It's so
485
00:30:14,930 --> 00:30:18,170
crazy. But yeah, and I.
486
00:30:19,690 --> 00:30:23,290
Some other, like, kind of exciting news is about. I want to say,
487
00:30:23,290 --> 00:30:26,930
like, right around the time when I, like, really kind of started finding my
488
00:30:26,930 --> 00:30:30,690
sound in September, October, I reconnected with a few
489
00:30:30,690 --> 00:30:33,450
friends of mine that have a production company. And they were like,
490
00:30:34,170 --> 00:30:37,970
caroline, like, you should, you know, consider doing a podcast. And
491
00:30:37,970 --> 00:30:41,610
I thought that was kind of funny because I've never been behind the
492
00:30:41,610 --> 00:30:45,290
camera. I've never been. Or, sorry, in front of the camera. That's never been my
493
00:30:45,290 --> 00:30:49,090
thing. And like, as someone interested in film and being in post and
494
00:30:49,090 --> 00:30:52,650
like, the music side and also as an artist, like,
495
00:30:52,730 --> 00:30:54,410
it was just never a thought.
496
00:30:56,330 --> 00:30:59,690
And so I've been doing that and I have this amazing
497
00:30:59,850 --> 00:31:03,370
really great kind of podcast that I've been working on that is
498
00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:07,060
really just kind of focused on sharing my story and
499
00:31:08,660 --> 00:31:12,420
so that's coming as well. Oh, wow. So you've been working on it,
500
00:31:12,420 --> 00:31:16,180
but you haven't released it yet? No, no, we, we've just
501
00:31:16,180 --> 00:31:20,020
been working on it, but it's. It's
502
00:31:20,020 --> 00:31:23,780
been really very much out of
503
00:31:23,780 --> 00:31:27,500
my comfort zone and something
504
00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:30,780
that I again, like, never thought I'd do. But then, you know, I could tell
505
00:31:30,780 --> 00:31:34,380
my 18 year old self that you're, you're making music and that person would be
506
00:31:34,380 --> 00:31:37,980
like, what? So, yeah,
507
00:31:38,860 --> 00:31:41,660
it's really exciting and I think it's
508
00:31:43,100 --> 00:31:46,860
being dealt really crazy cards at such a young age.
509
00:31:47,020 --> 00:31:50,860
I think I was kind of given this opportunity to kind of
510
00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:54,940
come back stronger and come back kind of more confident in myself and
511
00:31:55,180 --> 00:31:58,860
kind of start to see the importance of little things and
512
00:32:00,060 --> 00:32:03,780
less of this kind of fast paced, superficial, materialistic
513
00:32:03,780 --> 00:32:07,490
city that I've. I've known my whole life. Yeah.
514
00:32:08,530 --> 00:32:12,130
Wow. Okay, so you obviously, you get this news and
515
00:32:12,130 --> 00:32:15,650
that puts everything on hold for quite some time. Yes.
516
00:32:16,290 --> 00:32:19,850
When do you, like, are like for
517
00:32:19,850 --> 00:32:23,130
example, freaking Out? Was that a song that you had? Was that an older song?
518
00:32:23,130 --> 00:32:25,410
Or is everything that's coming out now
519
00:32:26,850 --> 00:32:30,650
written, like kind of post all of the, the treatment
520
00:32:30,650 --> 00:32:34,270
and all of that? Yeah, so actually Freaking
521
00:32:34,270 --> 00:32:38,110
out was written before. That was a
522
00:32:38,110 --> 00:32:41,830
song that I did right around the time I did
523
00:32:43,510 --> 00:32:46,470
California Dreams. I think that was gonna be the next single.
524
00:32:47,830 --> 00:32:51,430
And so I just was like, I was honestly
525
00:32:51,430 --> 00:32:55,030
like not even gonna put Freaking out out because I had
526
00:32:55,030 --> 00:32:58,390
this kind of like new, like I had really kind of
527
00:32:58,390 --> 00:33:01,790
focused in on like what sounds important to you
528
00:33:02,110 --> 00:33:05,790
and less about like production style and
529
00:33:05,790 --> 00:33:08,110
more like lyrically and
530
00:33:09,470 --> 00:33:13,110
just kind of like also finding my voice as a songwriter and as a singer.
531
00:33:13,110 --> 00:33:16,150
And I think like, even just like looking back, like, I do think like my
532
00:33:16,150 --> 00:33:19,510
vocals have gotten stronger and just kind of like these things as an artist that
533
00:33:19,510 --> 00:33:23,270
I think the time and the energy and the hours spent, like you can
534
00:33:23,270 --> 00:33:26,830
kind of hear it. And I was like, this song,
535
00:33:27,230 --> 00:33:30,870
you know, has resonated with friends of
536
00:33:30,870 --> 00:33:34,310
mine and family. And I think that like, for me I was like, okay, this
537
00:33:34,310 --> 00:33:37,630
is something that I, I should put out and share with the world. And
538
00:33:38,990 --> 00:33:42,710
so yeah, it did kind of come from the, the before, but I think
539
00:33:42,710 --> 00:33:46,270
the message I found in it
540
00:33:46,270 --> 00:33:49,870
after was actually different than the song that I had initially written, which is
541
00:33:49,870 --> 00:33:52,810
actually really Funny too. That's interesting. Yeah.
542
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:57,680
Yeah. I mean, obviously the song holds up and it's like, well, this actually,
543
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,520
I can even relate to this in a different way more so now.
544
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,840
Right? Yeah. I mean, that's the coolest part of, like,
545
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,680
you know, music is, Is the fact if people
546
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:13,280
actually, again, like, listen to the lyrics, which, like, I really think
547
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:17,080
people should do. You can find
548
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,400
so many different meanings in it. And it's the same thing as, like, going into
549
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:24,110
an art gallery and looking at paintings. It's like the artist has their
550
00:34:24,750 --> 00:34:28,430
idea of what they want people to see, but they don't have it plastered up
551
00:34:28,430 --> 00:34:31,550
next to the art. Like, this is about this.
552
00:34:32,190 --> 00:34:35,870
Yeah. They're not like, this is a tree and a cat and
553
00:34:35,870 --> 00:34:39,630
a whatever. And you're like, this is abstract. Like, I'm gonna make whatever decision
554
00:34:39,630 --> 00:34:42,790
I want. And I think that's also why I have kind of
555
00:34:42,790 --> 00:34:46,430
multifaceted, like, themes in my music, is because I want
556
00:34:46,430 --> 00:34:49,750
people to have their own way of
557
00:34:49,750 --> 00:34:53,150
resonating with it. I love that. I love that you brought up Paula. Cause I
558
00:34:53,150 --> 00:34:56,230
have two of his. His friends over here. No way.
559
00:34:56,550 --> 00:35:00,350
Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah, him and Shepard
560
00:35:00,350 --> 00:35:04,070
Fairy are like, my favorite artists. But
561
00:35:04,070 --> 00:35:07,750
that's awesome. Yeah, I'm big, big, big on art. I have, like, an Andy
562
00:35:07,750 --> 00:35:10,710
Warhol in here, and it's not real.
563
00:35:12,790 --> 00:35:16,390
And Mark Ryden, who's also one of my favorite artists, and he did a cover
564
00:35:16,390 --> 00:35:20,110
of. He did one of Tyler the Creator's covers, which is really cool,
565
00:35:20,110 --> 00:35:23,870
but he has some really cool surrealist art. Let me
566
00:35:23,870 --> 00:35:27,390
look them up, because I might know the name sounds familiar. What is it? Tyler,
567
00:35:27,550 --> 00:35:31,070
Mark Ryden. His
568
00:35:31,070 --> 00:35:34,430
stuff's weird, though. And I.
569
00:35:34,750 --> 00:35:38,390
Yeah, my mom. Oh, rad. I, I, I know
570
00:35:38,390 --> 00:35:42,190
who this is. Come in
571
00:35:42,190 --> 00:35:45,630
and they're like, what is that? I'm like, you know what? I like it,
572
00:35:45,870 --> 00:35:49,710
so whatever. No, I love that. That's rad.
573
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:54,000
Yeah. That's so cool. Okay, cool.
574
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,720
Very cool. Awesome. I love finding out about new, like, artists like that. Like, I
575
00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:02,560
just like that. Yeah. But yeah,
576
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,360
I mean, it's the same thing as, like, I literally had white walls
577
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:10,080
for a while, and I was like. Because I don't know, I feel like when
578
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:13,720
you walk into a room, like, the art has such an energy, and you need
579
00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:16,130
to, like, really, like, curate it. It.
580
00:36:17,330 --> 00:36:20,970
And so now I have art on every wall, basically. So do I
581
00:36:20,970 --> 00:36:24,650
just. I have to, like. Like I said, I'll have to sit down and,
582
00:36:24,650 --> 00:36:28,490
like, map it out. Okay. I have all these. This art pieces. Okay. How
583
00:36:28,490 --> 00:36:32,290
is this gonna look? I'll draw it. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I
584
00:36:32,290 --> 00:36:35,730
mean, it takes anal about it. It takes time, for sure.
585
00:36:36,050 --> 00:36:39,650
100. I spent, like, three weeks, like, just figuring out the art
586
00:36:39,650 --> 00:36:43,090
working this place. So it's hard because you have to be in the room all
587
00:36:43,090 --> 00:36:46,870
the time, and you're like, well, I have to stare at this, like,
588
00:36:46,870 --> 00:36:50,470
every day, so. It better, like, better look good. Yeah,
589
00:36:50,630 --> 00:36:54,470
I'm like. Or if it's. Oh, I'm so If it's crooked. Oh, man.
590
00:36:54,470 --> 00:36:58,070
Yeah, that's not. It'll drive me nuts. But people that have, like, stock
591
00:36:58,870 --> 00:37:02,150
pictures of, like, zebras and, like, whatever. I'm, like,
592
00:37:02,550 --> 00:37:06,310
all power to you. But for me, like, I need to, like,
593
00:37:06,310 --> 00:37:09,670
feel something when I'm in a room full of art. So
594
00:37:11,100 --> 00:37:14,700
that's. Cheers to those people, though, because I wish. I wish that it was that
595
00:37:14,700 --> 00:37:18,140
easy for me, but it's. Yeah, just hang up anything, like. Yeah, it doesn't matter.
596
00:37:18,300 --> 00:37:21,100
This looks kind of cool. So not that easy.
597
00:37:23,500 --> 00:37:26,460
Yeah. Well, tell. Oh, yeah. Arms of Another is the new one. Tell me about
598
00:37:26,460 --> 00:37:29,580
that song and what do you have coming up? Yeah, so
599
00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:34,460
that one, I'm. I mean, I think that's the one that, like, to date that.
600
00:37:34,460 --> 00:37:38,170
That I'm, like, really, like, the most proud of. And,
601
00:37:38,570 --> 00:37:41,530
yeah, the message behind it. It was so cool working with
602
00:37:42,410 --> 00:37:45,450
my friend on the COVID She's so talented, and
603
00:37:46,570 --> 00:37:50,090
it really felt like one of those songs that just.
604
00:37:50,250 --> 00:37:53,370
We kind of got in the studio and, like, we had no idea where it
605
00:37:53,370 --> 00:37:57,170
was going. I kind of, like, knew that song
606
00:37:57,170 --> 00:38:01,010
is really, really important to me because it really has
607
00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:04,810
to do with, like, connection and friends and family and, like, all the things
608
00:38:04,810 --> 00:38:08,510
that, like, I've realized, like, if you really strip everything cool
609
00:38:08,510 --> 00:38:12,070
art on your walls and the clothes and the. You know,
610
00:38:12,710 --> 00:38:16,510
everything, like, friends and family are the most important. And for me,
611
00:38:16,510 --> 00:38:20,070
like, when I was going through my treatments and my illness and all these things,
612
00:38:20,150 --> 00:38:23,950
like, family and friends were, like, the core, and the things
613
00:38:23,950 --> 00:38:27,430
that, like, really, like, meant the most to me. Second was art,
614
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:30,830
obviously. Like, the music and the film. Who's gonna be there for you? Yeah,
615
00:38:30,830 --> 00:38:34,630
emotionally. Yeah. Yeah. But. And that's all at the
616
00:38:34,630 --> 00:38:37,710
end of the day, like, that's, like, me and myself and, like, kind of learning
617
00:38:37,710 --> 00:38:41,260
to be my own best. Yeah. So that
618
00:38:41,260 --> 00:38:45,020
song really kind of has to do with that. And I think
619
00:38:45,020 --> 00:38:48,380
that kind of was, like, the hope for me is, like, people kind of, like,
620
00:38:48,380 --> 00:38:51,980
resonating with that. Obviously, the hook is really catchy, and it's A fun
621
00:38:51,980 --> 00:38:54,100
song and it has kind of mystery to it,
622
00:38:55,940 --> 00:38:59,540
but yeah, so that obviously just came out and it's
623
00:38:59,540 --> 00:39:03,060
been really exciting and people have liked it. And I think,
624
00:39:03,060 --> 00:39:06,900
like, since I've been releasing music again, I've gotten like a
625
00:39:06,900 --> 00:39:10,370
couple messages here and there. And that's. That's kind of like the reason I'm doing
626
00:39:10,370 --> 00:39:14,010
it. Like, people from like, opposite ends of the earth being
627
00:39:14,010 --> 00:39:17,770
like, I really like this song. Like, that's like why I'm doing it,
628
00:39:17,770 --> 00:39:21,370
you know? So it feels really good to know that, like,
629
00:39:21,530 --> 00:39:25,209
it's resonating and it's hitting people the way that I was hoping
630
00:39:25,209 --> 00:39:28,970
it would. And we have a lot of great
631
00:39:29,530 --> 00:39:32,810
music coming out, I think, like, yeah, I mean, I have been
632
00:39:34,330 --> 00:39:37,960
just, you know, even if I don't know, like, what I
633
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,600
have in mind before I get in this, in a session, we kind of get
634
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,880
in there and it just like happens. And I think that is kind of like
635
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,560
the beauty of like, really trying to really finding my sound and my
636
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:52,360
footing as a songwriter and an artist. So,
637
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:56,120
yeah, I mean, I have some music lined up. I think the next single
638
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:57,800
hopefully will be out in October.
639
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:03,600
But yeah, consistency is the goal right now and like, really kind of trying
640
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:07,140
to share and put myself out there and hope that
641
00:40:07,140 --> 00:40:10,820
people resonate with it. That's cool. I love
642
00:40:10,820 --> 00:40:14,460
it. I have one more question. I asked you the same exact one
643
00:40:14,460 --> 00:40:18,220
last time, but maybe your. Your answer will
644
00:40:18,220 --> 00:40:22,060
change in the three years. If you have any advice for
645
00:40:22,060 --> 00:40:23,460
aspiring artists.
646
00:40:27,380 --> 00:40:31,190
This is a good question. I wonder if it's the same answer or not. I
647
00:40:31,190 --> 00:40:34,830
remember what your answer was because I watched it. Okay. I'm not gonna tell you
648
00:40:34,830 --> 00:40:37,590
if you. Okay, yeah, same answer or not. I'm not gonna tell you.
649
00:40:38,470 --> 00:40:41,510
I think honestly
650
00:40:43,910 --> 00:40:47,470
I. I think, you know, do it for yourself, don't do it for
651
00:40:47,470 --> 00:40:51,270
anyone else. And that's kind of, you know, a little
652
00:40:51,270 --> 00:40:55,030
far fetched because there's always this idea of like, you're
653
00:40:55,030 --> 00:40:58,470
gonna be making a song and you kind of want it to hit certain corners
654
00:40:58,550 --> 00:41:02,210
or, you know, you want to push it a certain way. And there's all these
655
00:41:02,210 --> 00:41:05,330
trends and there's just, for me, like, that's all noise
656
00:41:06,050 --> 00:41:09,170
and at the end of the day, like, it will reach
657
00:41:10,130 --> 00:41:13,690
the places it's meant to, obviously have to put the work in.
658
00:41:13,690 --> 00:41:17,490
And these days you can't just like, release a record and hope people will
659
00:41:17,490 --> 00:41:21,250
find it or like, put it on the right person's desk. It really does require
660
00:41:21,250 --> 00:41:24,930
that work. But I think if it comes from
661
00:41:24,930 --> 00:41:28,530
you, for you. It'll, you know,
662
00:41:28,530 --> 00:41:29,730
go where it's meant to go.
663
00:41:35,630 --> 00:41:36,990
Bringing it backwards,
664
00:41:40,750 --> 00:41:44,270
bringing it backward, Bringing it backward,
665
00:41:44,510 --> 00:41:48,030
Bringing it backward, Bring it backward,
666
00:41:48,190 --> 00:41:49,870
bring it backwards.